IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this changed occured? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

#times #adults #time #families #friends #parents #force #children #home
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Youngsters hang out with their peers outside of the house rather than with their families these
days
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because both of their
parents
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 work outside and they shouldn'
t
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 pressure their
children
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 to stay at
home
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 but they can do some activities together from
time
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 to
time
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. Young adults do not want to stay at
home
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 as both of their
parents
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 go to work. Both
parents
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 have to earn money as everything is expensive these
days
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 and they don'
t
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 want their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to live a poor life. And only one person's income cannot cover all the expenses.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are many
parents
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 who are struggling
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days
Change preposition
for days
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 and nights just to pay their
children
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's tuition fees.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
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 should not force their
children
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 to spend more
time
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 at
home
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. It is understandable that
parents
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 are worried
of
Change preposition
about
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 their
children
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 when they go out of the house. But they shouldn'
t
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 restrict them
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 reason.
Children
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 will know how to be responsible for themselves and
get
Verb problem
make
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 new friends only if they go out. At the same
time
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,
parents
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 can spend with their
children
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 when they get back from work, communicating with them friendly and spending
time
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 together by going on a trip or having a pizza party at
home
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. In
this
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 way, the connection between
parents
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 and
children
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 will become stronger and they will be under the guidance of their
parents
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.
For example
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, young adults who don'
t
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 have freedom at
home
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, tend to lie to their
parents
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 more than
thos
Correct your spelling
those
 who have. In conclusion, teenagers tend to stay out of the house more these
days
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 which is mostly
due to
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 the reason that they have to be alone
while
Linking Words
 their
parents
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 are on
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
. And I think those
parents
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 shouldn'
t
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 pressure their
children
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instead
Linking Words
 they might find ways to spend quality
time
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 with them. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the bonding between family will become stronger.
Submitted by nmpppp4444 on

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Vocabulary
To further enrich your essay, consider diversifying your vocabulary. Using a variety of synonyms and complex sentence structures can enhance the sophistication of your writing.
Content Depth
While your essay effectively addresses the prompt, incorporating broader examples and a wider range of perspectives could provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Coherence
Though the structure of your essay is solid, using more explicit transition phrases could enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are effectively constructed, providing a clear framework for the essay.
Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
Focus
Your essay remains focused on the topic, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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