IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some believe that success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think that it depends on factors such as money or personal appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
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 some people reckon anybody can achieve anything
due to
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 hard work, others suppose that environmental factors impact personal success more. It is clear who do nothing will get nothing, but at the same time the starting point defines how much time it will take to reach the goal.
This
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 essay will discuss if it is enough only to be purposeful to achieve an aim or if it depends on not only a personal ability. Nowadays, the opinion
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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shows the idea that anyone can be successful is caused by a strong desire
expressive
Correct word choice
to express themselves
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 widely. Especially, it can be often seen on social media. The most recognized examples concern famous
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen such
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 as Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg. Both say their project started from a minimal budget in a garage and only their personality helped them to become popular.
Such
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 instances inspire others to believe themself. But in fact, the vast majority of cases of success have been based on people who previously had some benefits. If we look at examples regarding Jobs and Zuckerberg, we will find out that both were born into a rich family and had financial support from their parents. Probably, if they had not
the
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had the
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 optional budget from
family
Correct article usage
the family
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, they would have never tried to create risky projects which can lead to losing money. So it is obvious that
such
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 factors as money, place of birth and even luck define how difficult a person will achieve the goal.
This
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 essay discussed why the idea of achievement
by
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through
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 hard work is so popular, despite
an
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apply
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underlying support
in particular
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 cases. In conclusion,
although
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 stories of personal success can be inspiring, everyone should critically evaluate their own possibility and should not create an unrealistic aim.

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coherence and cohesion
Clarify the connections between your ideas and explain your reasoning in more detail to improve the overall flow of the essay. This can help ensure that your argument is easy to follow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument and provide clearer evidence to your claims.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view of both perspectives on success, which is a strong point.
structure
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion effectively, outlining the two views clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • determination
  • perseverance
  • success
  • innovation
  • resilience
  • opportunities
  • resources
  • networks
  • sustain
  • financial resources
  • safety net
  • first impressions
  • capability
  • relevant
  • fundamental elements
  • external factors
What to do next:
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