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Writing Samples
Band 6

Teachers are not as important as they used to be because of the choice of other alternatives for students, such as online teaching. To what extent to do you agree of disagree?

Nowadays, more and more
people
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 prefer other ways of studying more than traditional ones. Because of that,
teachers
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became
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have become
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 less popular and some
people
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 say that they are not useful anymore. I completely disagree with that. Despite the fact, that there are lots of alternative opportunities for students,
teachers
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 did not become less important. First of all, the traditional educational system is the most productive and common. The system has been built for years by our days and it is completely impossible to change it or find an alternative way to study. Many
people
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 were educated thanks to
this
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 system for decades. Without a teacher, it is too hard to find understandable and truthful information.
Furthermore
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, it will take too much time.
For instance
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, scientists from Japan found out, that with
teachers
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 we understand any topic 50% better than by self-studying.
Secondly
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, it is easier and more relevant to study face-to-face with your teacher. Mostly,
people
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 do not understand every part of the information they must learn. It is hard to find an answer to their exact question on the internet.
Also
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, when a student has online lessons, their tutor often cannot explain something by showing it in practice.
That is
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 why offline lessons with
teachers
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 are more reliable and comfortable.
For example
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, the statistic shows, that after traditional lessons pupils had a higher
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 on their exams.
By contrast
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,
people
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, who tried alternative ways had a lower score
To conclude
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,
teachers
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 are
necessary
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a necessary
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 part of an educational program. There are no other varieties that might be better or at least as good as the way of studying face-to-face with your teacher.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction sets the stage well, but it could be slightly clearer in stating your overall argument or position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to review your phrasing; for example, 'that there are lots of alternative opportunities for students' could be rephrased for clarity.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your conclusion by restating the importance of teachers in a more compelling way and summarizing your main points succinctly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to improve overall flow and coherence in your writing.
Task Achievement
Your argument against the diminishing importance of teachers is clearly stated and supported throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, like the Japan study and statistics regarding exam scores, effectively bolster your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological revolution
  • access to information
  • self-learning
  • personalized learning paths
  • learning styles
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • traditional classrooms
  • flexibility
  • online education
  • commitments
  • social skills
  • emotional intelligence
  • mentorship
  • support
  • blended learning
  • guiding
  • facilitating
  • enhancing
  • quality of education
  • inspire and motivate
  • holistic educational experience
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