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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Providing children with a phone from an early stage is a great way to teach them how technology works and can be helpful in the long run. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many parents nowadays buy smartphones for their
children
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 in order to develop their skills, which can
also
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 benefit them in the long term. Personally, I wholeheartedly disagree with
this
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 opinion and I will state some reasons for my view. The first compelling factor for holding to my view is that young
children
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 often are exposed to content
that is
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 unsuitable for their age. Since
children
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 are unable to recognise what is right or wrong, they can be easily influenced by what they see online.
For instance
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, some platforms
such
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 as YouTube and TikTok publish inappropriate content including criminal activities and sexual videos which affect
children
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's emotions and behaviours. In extreme cases, they may commit harmful acts or abuse other
children
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. Parents can tackle
this
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 problem by monitoring their youngsters
while
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 they are online. Using some internet supervision apps seems to be
as
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apply
show examples
a potential solution, which leads parents to track their
children
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 by blocking some inappropriate websites and setting screen time limits. With
this
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 action,
children
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 can benefit only from the positive aspects of technology. One of the other dangers is that
children
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 may lose their interest in education. When using their smartphones for hours, they may reduce their desire to do schoolwork. Research has shown that those
children
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 who have phones are unable to as perform well as those who do not have them and face many mental health issues
such
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 as anxiety.
Consequently
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, without proper performance at school, they may face many challenges when they grow up in terms of employment. In conclusion, I totally believe that purchasing a phone at an early age is impractical.
However
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, using technology has some positive prospects, they may decline the motivation of
children
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 in academics and lead them to engage in some

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Task Achievement
Try to develop your conclusions more thoroughly to reinforce your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to better guide the reader.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or data to support your points.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear stance against giving smartphones to young children, demonstrating conviction in your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
You organized your ideas logically, making it easy to follow your argument.
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