Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is argued that modern technology aims to monitor what people are saying and doing.
This
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essay claims that the main advantage is the national
security
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this
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monitoring can provide and the disadvantage is about privacy concerns and the limitation of the freedom of expression. It is conspicuous that the fact of implementing cameras and controlling citizens is beneficial for our national
security
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. Indeed, for many years, many countries have been threatened by terrorists. Terrorism is likely to destroy our community
as well as
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our civilization.For that reason, fighting against
this
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phenomenon remains consequential.In
this
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regard, any kind of help aiming to battle those criminals should be welcomed.
For instance
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, thanks to smartphones and cameras, many terrorists were arrested before they could hurt anyone in Morocco, in 2015,when the country was threatened by a terrorist group.
However
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,
this
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overuse of cellphone tracking and
security
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cameras
also
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features noticeable inconveniences
such
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as privacy issues.
This
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is because our data isn't completely safe on the internet and many scammers have access to our private pieces of information.Those lawbreakers are renowned for their ability to use personal pics and videos to blackmail innocent victims and
therefore
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, get money from them.
Furthermore
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, in numerous dictatorial countries, smartphones are used to target opponents and send them to jail.
Hence
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, it is considered as a real limitation of the individual freedom. A prime example would be The North Korean government which uses smartphones to control its own citizens. In conclusion, ensuring national
security
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is the prime benefit of
this
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modern breakthrough
although
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many advantages exist
such
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as unlawful access to private pieces of information and overwhelming restrictions on freedom in lots of nations.
Submitted by namoisma on

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Task Response
While the essay provides a thorough response to the question, consider expanding on other potential advantages of monitoring technology, such as crime reduction or data analytics for improving city services.
Coherence
Develop a stronger link between paragraphs by referring back to how each disadvantage connects to or contrasts with highlighted advantages, enhancing overall coherence.
Cohesion
Aim for more varied sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs for better cohesion.
Task Response
The essay effectively covers both sides of the argument, clearly weighing advantages against disadvantages.
Coherence
The introduction sets a clear premise, and the conclusion logically summarizes and links back to the arguments presented.
Task Achievement
Specific examples, such as the case in Morocco and North Korea, strengthen the argument by making it more tangible and grounded in reality.

Your opinion

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