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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school, while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet.

There is an ongoing debate over whether
schools
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 or
parents
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 should be responsible for teaching
children
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 how to maintain a healthy diet.
While
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 some argue that
schools
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 should provide
this
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 education, others believe that
parents
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 play the most critical role. In my opinion,
children
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 should primarily learn about healthy eating
habits
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 from their
parents
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, as early family influence is crucial in shaping lifelong
habits
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. In today’s modern technological era,
children
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 tend to spend a lot of time indoors, often engaging with digital devices rather than participating in physical activities.
This
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 shift has contributed to rising health problems
such
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 as obesity. Governments have responded by introducing new policies aimed at improving
children
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's health, including providing diet education in
schools
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.
While
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 some
children
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 may benefit from these lessons, others struggle to fully understand the importance of maintaining a healthy diet.
For example
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, the global increase in childhood obesity shows that school-based programs alone are insufficient in changing
children
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's eating
habits
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.
Therefore
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, teaching
children
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 about healthy diets from a young age at school is not enough on its own.
On the other hand
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, many people argue that
parents
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 should be the ones responsible for teaching their
children
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 how to eat healthily. Unlike
schools
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,
parents
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 have a more direct and continuous influence on their
children
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's daily lives.
Parents
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 can model healthy eating
habits
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 at home, making it easier for
children
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 to adopt these
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 can educate their
children
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 on the importance of balanced meals,
such
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 as incorporating vegetables, fruits, proteins, and grains into their diets.
While
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schools
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 can provide valuable knowledge, the daily reinforcement of these lessons by
parents
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 at home is what truly supports lasting lifestyle changes. In conclusion,
although
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 school programs that teach
children
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 about healthy eating
habits
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 are helpful, the primary responsibility should lie with
parents
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. By teaching their
children
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 about healthy diets from an early age,
parents
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 can ensure that their
children
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 develop lasting
habits
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 that promote health and well-being.

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Task Achievement
While your main points are well-supported, consider providing more detailed examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs could be improved for smoother flow; consider using linking phrases to connect ideas better.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and maintains focus on the topic throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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