IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays people are not as fit as they were in past . What solution for this cause .

People
Use synonyms
 nowadays show lower levels of fitness compared to previous generations.
While
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 there are a number of reasons for
this
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, the situation can be improved in various ways.
While
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 there are many reasons for
this
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, the main one is technological advancement. In recent years,
technology
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 has improved day by day.
Instead
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 of doing tasks themselves,
people
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 rely on
machines
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 and robots to do all kinds of activities, which makes them more inactive.
For example
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, they no longer do household chores manually because
machines
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 like washing
machines
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 do the work for them.
Additionally
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, many companies nowadays promote fast
food
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 advertisements on billboards using well-known celebrities, which encourages
people
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 to eat more junk
food
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.
Therefore
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,
technology
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 and unhealthy
food
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 habits have a negative impact on
people
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's health. To solve these problems, both individuals and governments should take action.
Firstly
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,
people
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 should try to be more active in their daily lives.
For example
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,
instead
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 of using
machines
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 for every task, they can do small activities like cleaning or walking to nearby places.
This
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 can help them stay fit.
Secondly
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, the government should control fast
food
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 advertisements, especially those featuring celebrities, because they strongly influence
people
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. They can
also
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 support healthy
food
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 campaigns to teach
people
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 about good eating habits. If these steps are taken,
people
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’s health can improve even with modern
technology
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 around them. In conclusion,
although
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 modern
technology
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 and unhealthy eating habits are the main reasons why
people
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 are less fit than before, these issues can be improved through simple lifestyle changes and government actions. By encouraging physical activity and promoting healthy eating, it is possible to improve
people
Use synonyms
's health and fitness in today’s world.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, particularly in relation to the impact of technology and unhealthy eating habits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more seamlessly to enhance the overall flow of the essay, making sure transitions between points are smooth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively outline the issue and summarize the proposed solutions.
Task Achievement
You have presented relevant ideas and made clear connections to the topic of fitness in modern society.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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