IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Computers are more and more important in educational aspects. Some people say that this is a good trend, while others argue that it bad. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

There are different views concerning studying through digital devices. Some think it's beneficial,
While
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 others think the opposite. Personally, I think it is the most helpful way to gain knowledge. On the one hand, A lot of people don't like computers to study, There are some valid reasons why they think that.
First,
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Studying online could be very distracting, they can go through entertaining websites.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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 Youtube, social media and even online shopping. Some individuals do not have a sense of control and can't trust themselves to accomplish educational tasks through electronics.
Second,
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Computers tend to be very expensive to purchase and maintain, And for a big family with a lot of kids in school, That could cause
financial
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a financial
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 drain for the parents.
Finally
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, Some pupils just prefer actual books and write notes with their notebooks, Because they find it more convenient than trusting the lag of a wireless network.
On the other hand
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, In recent years,
Many
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many
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 students now depend on digital devices for educational factors. Especially, After covid hit in 2020 and pupils had to continue classes and quarantine simultaneously. There are a lot of benefits to learning and gaining knowledge when owning a computer. One of which is, The easy and fast research for questions. Another reason is sharing information with classmates without having to communicate physically. And
that is
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 why I think, it is the most convenient way of learning. In conclusion, Even if people think their way of studying is the better method. I think we should always learn different methods of studying just to know what satisfies us the most.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging. Try to rephrase the prompt effectively and provide a brief overview of the points you will discuss.
task achievement
The conclusion should summarize your main points more effectively. Instead of stating that learning methods should be diverse, reinforce your opinion about the benefits of digital learning alongside traditional methods.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistent capitalization and punctuation throughout your essay. For example, 'While' should not be capitalized after a comma, and make sure to end all sentences correctly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas. This will help in connecting points more logically and keep the reader engaged.
positive
The essay shows a clear opinion and structure, which provides a foundation for the discussion.
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