IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The planet's population is reaching unsustainable levels, and people are facing shortage of resources like water, food and fuel. To what consequences may overpopulation lead? In your opinion, what measures can be taken to fight overpopulation?

In recent years, it has been widely argued that the
number
Use synonyms
 of humans is increasing over the years which may harm the environment, and communities started to restrict the use of human resources. From my perspective, overpopulation could result in running out of the essential source of living, and to solve
this
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 problem the
number
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 of new births could be controlled. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the consequences and the measures in detail. First and foremost, there are many consequences behind the growing population. To illustrate, when the
number
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 of people escalates they will consume more natural resources
such
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 as fossil fuel, water, and food.
Therefore
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, the future generation will suffer from a shortage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these essential supplies for living.
Consequently
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,
this
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 may lead to wars and starvation because people will fight over these resources and some of them will
ending
Wrong verb form
end
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 up poor.
However
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, there are a few ways to address
this
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 issue
as well as
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 to save the planet and make it a better place for habitat.
In other words
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, establishing roles and regulations regarding the size of each family will contribute to reducing the effect of overpopulation.
For example
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, each family allowed to have one or two children can enhance the living conditions.
Also
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, a small family can focus on raising well-educated teenagers who are responsible
to make
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for making
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 the earth a suitable place
grow
Fix the infinitive
to grow
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.
To sum up
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, overpopulation is a significant problem that needs to be addressed because it eventually will lead to conflict and poor living conditions.
Thus
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, restricting the
number
Use synonyms
 of births will help to get over
this
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 issue and have an eco-friendly environment.

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task achievement
Include a clearer definition of overpopulation in your introduction to set the stage for your arguments. This will enhance the completeness of your response.
task achievement
Make sure to illustrate your points with more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you can mention countries that have implemented family planning laws and their effects.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases in some sections to enhance the flow between ideas. Phrases like 'Additionally', 'In contrast', or 'Furthermore' can improve coherence between your points.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing certain sentences to avoid minor grammatical inaccuracies. For example, instead of 'some of them will ending up poor', it should be 'some of them may end up poor'.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the problem and your viewpoint, which is essential for a strong essay.
task achievement
You successfully outline the consequences of overpopulation in the body paragraphs, demonstrating that you understand the issue well.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position, which is crucial for essay closure.
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