IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2005.

The graph below shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2005.
The graph shows the data about how many
museum
Use synonyms
 visitors in three countries over the period in question. Generally, the National
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 in China experienced a consistent increase
while
Linking Words
 both museums MET and Edo saw a gradual fluctuation. Looking at the details, regarding the National
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 in China, it began at 6
million
Use synonyms
 people in 2000 and went up consistently, finishing at around 15
million
Use synonyms
 in 2005. If we look at
Edo
Correct article usage
the Edo
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 in Tokyo, the trend
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 different. Having remained stable at approximately 13
million
Use synonyms
 in the first
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
two-year period, the number dipped sharply to around six
million
Use synonyms
 in 2003. There was
then
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a gradually
show examples
gradually
Change the word
gradual
show examples
 rise to around 10
million
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Similarly
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
MET
museum
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows a fluctuating
numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
number
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 visitors. The figure started at 12
million
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
then
Linking Words
 plunged dramatically to six
million
Use synonyms
 in 2001 and there was a moderate recovery to around 7
million
Use synonyms
 in 2003. After that, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of visitors
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
 doubled to 14
million
Use synonyms
 tourists in 2005.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: