IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

long-distance flight consumes the amount of fuel that a car uses in many years and pollutes the air. Some people think that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourist travel, rather than limit the use of cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The detrimental environmental effects of
air
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travel
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, particularly long-haul
flights
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, are undeniable, prompting debate over whether to prioritize curbing
air
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travel
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 or
car
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 usage.
While
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 both contribute to pollution, the significantly higher carbon footprint of
aviation
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,
coupled with
Linking Words
 ongoing advancements in sustainable ground
transportation
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, makes restricting non-essential
flights
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 the more effective strategy. The argument for prioritizing flight restrictions rests on the substantial difference in pollution levels. A single long-haul flight consumes a quantity of fuel equivalent to a
car
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's usage over many years, releasing far greater amounts of greenhouse gases and other pollutants into the atmosphere.
This
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 disparity is amplified by the higher altitudes at which aircraft operate, leading to increased atmospheric impact.
While
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 efforts to develop sustainable
aviation
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 fuels are underway, their widespread adoption remains a long-term prospect, unlike the readily available and rapidly improving alternatives for ground
transportation
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. The emergence of electric vehicles represents a significant shift in personal
transportation
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. Electric cars, increasingly affordable and accessible, produce zero tailpipe emissions, offering a viable and environmentally responsible alternative to petrol and diesel vehicles.
This
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 technological advancement,
coupled with
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 the ongoing development of renewable energy sources to power the electricity grid, drastically reduces the environmental impact of personal
car
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 use.
Conversely
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, the convenience of
air
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travel
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, especially for tourism, is undeniable.
However
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,
this
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 convenience comes at a steep environmental cost. The considerable fuel consumption, exacerbated by practices
such
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 as fuel dumping before landing, outweighs the benefits of speed and accessibility for non-essential
travel
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. Targeting non-essential
flights
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,
such
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 as leisure
travel
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, allows for a more focused and impactful reduction in
overall
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aviation
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 emissions. In conclusion,
while
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 reducing
car
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 usage remains important, the disproportionately high environmental impact of
aviation
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, particularly long-haul
flights
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, necessitates a prioritization of measures to curtail non-essential
air
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travel
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. The rapid advancement of sustainable ground
transportation
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 solutions
further
Linking Words
 strengthens
this
Linking Words
 argument, making the restriction of non-essential
flights
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 a more effective strategy for mitigating the environmental consequences of
transportation
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.

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Task Achievement
Further develop your points by providing more specific examples or statistics about pollution levels from aviation and car usage. This could strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your ideas between sentences and paragraphs, which could improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is logically structured, with clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
Task Achievement
You effectively identify the key issues and provide a clear position on the topic, demonstrating strong task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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