IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, obesity is the main cause of multiple health issues including: metabolic syndrome, diabetes and cardiac diseases.
Due to
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 unhealthy eating habits and reduced physical activity more than 35% of the world's population suffer from obesity and its complications.
For
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this
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 reason, some organizations urge governments to increase
taxes
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 on unhealthy
food
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 and drinks
while
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 others find
such
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 action is extremely unreasonable. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. Fast
food
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 is appealing to some individuals as it is cheaper and more available than healthy and organic products. Adding financial restrictions and increasing the prices of junk
food
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, might reduce the purchasing power of
such
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 items , especially for young people.
In addition
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, most workers in fast
food
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 chains are paid minimum wage without medical benefits, increasing
taxes
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 on
such
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 restaurants can solve
this
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 issue and improve the income of their employees.
However
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, increasing
taxes
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 can reduce access to unhealthy
food
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 by some members of society who are financially unable to buy healthier options which are usually more expensive.
Moreover
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, fast
food
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 when consumed in moderation has no significant negative impact on our health.
For example
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, an experiment on an individual who only consumed nutritionally balanced items from a famous
food
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 chain in combination with a physically active lifestyle for one year resulted in him not gaining any more weight and maintaining a normal blood sugar level throughout the study. In conclusion, efforts should focus on awareness about health and good dietary habits rather than implementing
taxes
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.
Furthermore
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, financial restrictions on harmful products
such
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 as cigarettes and alcohol did not change consumption habits and
this
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 method was proven unsuccessful before.

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task achievement
In your essay, you have addressed both sides of the argument about taxing unhealthy foods, which is good. However, ensure that your ideas on each viewpoint are fully developed with more detailed explanations or examples. For instance, you could elaborate more on how taxing could specifically reduce health burdens or provide examples of countries where this has worked, if any. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with clear paragraphs that separate different ideas, which aids understanding. However, try to make your transitions between points smoother. Using linking words or phrases will help connect your paragraphs and ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented. They effectively outline the main issues and summarise your viewpoint clearly. This helps to give your essay a clear framework.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear and comprehensive flow of ideas in response to the question, with a convincing argument presented.
task achievement
Your essay includes a relevant example, specifically the experiment with fast food consumption, which adds depth to your discussion. Well done!
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