IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Most people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

Nowadays, maintaining a balance between a successful career and a happy family has become a common challenge for many people. Clearly,
this
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 situation can lead to several issues if not handled properly.
This
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 essay will discuss the
problems
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 associated with
this
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 situation and suggest possible solutions. Personally, I believe that achieving
work
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-life balance is crucial for
both
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 personal well-being and family harmony.
To begin
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 with, one of the main
problems
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 is the lack of time for family bonding
due to
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work
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 commitments.
For instance
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, parents who
work
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 long hours may miss important milestones in their children’s lives or fail to provide emotional support.
This
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 clearly demonstrates that overworking can weaken family relationships and cause emotional distance.
As a result
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, the lack of family interaction can lead to stress, loneliness, or even conflicts within the household.
Furthermore
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, another issue is the increased stress and burnout experienced by individuals trying to meet
both
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 personal and professional expectations. To illustrate, many people feel exhausted from juggling
work
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 tasks and family responsibilities, which affects their physical and mental health.
This
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 indicates that failing to manage
both
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 roles effectively can result in health
problems
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 and reduced productivity.
Therefore
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, it is essential to find strategies that promote a healthier lifestyle and better time management. In conclusion,
this
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 essay discussed how the pursuit of career success and family happiness can lead to time constraints and stress-related
problems
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. Despite the difficulty of balancing
both
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 areas, I believe that solutions
such
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 as flexible
work
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 arrangements and shared family responsibilities can help.
Thus
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, it is recommended that employers, families, and individuals
work
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 together to support a balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This will help the reader understand your points better.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
positive
The introduction clearly states the topic and personal opinion, setting a good foundation for the essay.
positive
The essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • stress
  • burnout
  • family responsibilities
  • time management
  • relationship strain
  • prioritize
  • flexible working arrangements
  • telecommuting
  • communication
  • extended family
  • childcare
  • self-care
  • personal well-being
  • satisfaction
What to do next:
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