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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people today facenthe problem of not getting enough sleep. What are the causes of this problem, and what solutions can you suggest?

There can be little doubt that sleep is a significant concern in many societies worldwide.
This
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 problem is attributable to the significant volume of
work
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 and prolonged shifts lasting until night but can be addressed by dividing the scope of
work
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 logically. The underlying root of the problem is almost always the huge number of tasks employees. Despite having numerous workers, the regrettable reality is that they can not finish their tasks on
time
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 with
such
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 various assignments.
This
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 situation stems from the companies having ambitions about revenue as much as possible.
As a result
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, the productivity of employers will decrease because of exhaustion from sleep deprivation and they must stay at the offices to
work
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 until completing their assignments.
This
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 is true in China, where most labourers always stay awake until midnight to accomplish their missions. Another factor may be the shifts that people register in nowadays.
In other words
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, today's staff spend most of their
time
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 working at the administrative buildings which means a lack of
time
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 to prepare food.
Consequently
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, they have to spend
time
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 cooking when they go home and it takes them a long hour to finalize housework before falling asleep. In Vietnam, workers always go home at night and they clean their house after going to bed so they just sleep with fewer hours. Perhaps a solution to the problem of running on little sleep is to be found in the form of separating the amount of assignments into smaller parts. The most effective approach is to reduce the stress and weight of tasks for staff.
This
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 situation leads to completing
work
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 as soon as possible and workers will have more leisure
time
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 to take care of family and themselves. Strategies
such
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 as the employment hours laws of government have been proven to protect the welfare of employers in Cuba and avoid abusing
efforts
Correct article usage
the efforts
show examples
 of employees at the whole community level.
Thus
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, it can be seen that lack of sleep results from heavy workloads and lengthy workdays at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses.
Therefore
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, it should have been demonstrated that urgent action needs to be taken in the form of distributing the workload moderately for labourers to accomplish without remaining awake throughout the night and giving them more recovery
time
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to develop your conclusion to firmly restate your main points and suggest wider implications.
Task Achievement
You present a clear understanding of the causes of lack of sleep and suggest potential solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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