IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that many manufactured
food
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 and drink
products
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 contain high
levels
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 of
sugar
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, which causes many
health
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issues
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 like obesity.
Products
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 with high
sugar
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levels
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 should be made more expensive to encourage
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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 and to eat healthier
food
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. I totally agree with that, because lots of nations that eat high
levels
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 of
sugar
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 have many
health
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issues
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 and higher prices of
sugar
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products
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 can make
people
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 choose healthier
food
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 and drink.
To begin
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 with, eating too much
sugar
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 may result in
health
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 disputes like obesity or diabetes, these well-being problems may have a negative effect on
people
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’s lives.
In other words
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, eating manufactured foods with high
levels
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 of
sugar
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 will lead to many
health
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issues
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.
For example
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, if a child eats chocolate and cakes every day when he feels hungry, and he does not eat healthy
food
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 and proteins, he will definitely have
health
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issues
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. Another point to consider, making high level
sugar
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food
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 more expensive and adding more taxes may encourage
people
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 to eat healthier
food
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.
For instance
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, if the prices of organic and healthy
food
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 are less than
food
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 with high
levels
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 of
sugar
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, most society will buy healthy
food
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instead
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 of buying
products
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 with high
levels
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 of
sugar
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. In conclusion, lots of manufactured snacks and drink
products
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 contain high
levels
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 of
sugar
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, which might cause many
health
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issues
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. Adding extra taxes on
products
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 that contain high
levels
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 of
sugar
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 might make
people
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 buy healthier
food
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. In my opinion, adding taxes or making the prices more and more expensive is a good way to make
people
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 buy healthy
food
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, and
this
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 will make the rate of
health
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 problems decrease.

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples and details to support your points. This will make your ideas clearer.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use linking words to connect your ideas better.
coherence
Check for small grammar mistakes or awkward phrasing in your sentences. This can make your writing clearer.
content
You have a clear position and strong opinion throughout the essay.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, summarizing your main ideas clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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