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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether
competition
Use synonyms
 or cooperation yields better outcomes in various aspects of life,
such
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 as the workplace, educational institutions, and daily interactions.
While
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competition
Use synonyms
 can drive individuals to excel, it may
also
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 foster a stressful environment.
Conversely
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,
collaboration
Use synonyms
 encourages the pooling of diverse talents to achieve common goals. In my opinion,
collaboration
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than
competition
Use synonyms
. On one hand,
competition
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 can motivate individuals to perform at their best.
For instance
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, in a competitive workplace, employees may strive to outperform their peers to gain recognition or promotions.
However
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,
this
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 drive can lead to negative consequences. An employee might withhold crucial information to maintain a competitive edge, resulting in a lack of knowledge sharing and hindering
overall
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 organizational progress.
Moreover
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, constant
competition
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 can create a high-pressure environment, leading to stress and burnout among employees.
On the other hand
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,
collaboration
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 fosters a sense of unity and shared purpose. When individuals work together, they can leverage each other's strengths to achieve better outcomes.
For example
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, in a product development team, a marketing expert and a product designer can combine their expertise to create a product that meets market demands effectively. Collaborative environments
also
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 tend to be less stressful, as the focus shifts from individual achievement to collective success. In conclusion,
while
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competition
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 can drive individual performance,
collaboration
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 offers a more sustainable and harmonious approach to achieving goals.
Therefore
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, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that by fostering a cooperative culture, organizations and educational institutions can enhance productivity and well-being among their members.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clarify your opinion in the introduction and conclusion to ensure it's clear to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly to improve flow and readability.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
argument
You present both sides of the argument well, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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