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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Understanding the distinction between right and wrong acts as a crucial point in shaping
Correct article usage
a childs
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childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
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 character. Punishment contributes to
parents
Use synonyms
 growing their children in an easy way.
While
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 the proposal seems rational, from my perspective,
this
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 attitude can only be benevolent if
Correct article usage
the child
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child
Change noun form
child's
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 self-esteem
is
Verb problem
does
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 not
deteriorated
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deteriorate
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.
Parents
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, the major concern is
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the child
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child
Change noun form
child's
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 fate, striving consistently to opt for the best
methods
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, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to cultivating critical thinking skills, contributing to selecting the right paths, and enhancing the quality of life. One of the best ways is utilizing
reward
Correct article usage
a reward
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 system
which
Change preposition
in which
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child
Correct article usage
a child
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if
Correct word choice
who
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 does
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 thing
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 a prize and if does
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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 miss the prize, in fact, presenting the experience of
real
Add an article
the real
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 world that
strategical
Replace the word
strategic
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 ways pave the way for success.
Furthermore
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,
featuring as
Verb problem
they are
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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self-confidence
Replace the word
self-confident
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 and fearless individuals. As an example, in recent research by psychologists in 2015, 70 per cent of adults with high self-confidence were raided with reward
methods
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, leading to mental health and advancement.
Thus
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, new upbringing
methods
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 can be more effective and implemental, ensuring
parents
Use synonyms
in
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apply
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association with the quality of
Correct pronoun usage
their childs
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childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
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 life in the future.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 punishment is an easy way, it has to be utilized in the correct manner. Unfavourable results
of
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apply
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that,
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to mental issues, ending up in serious health problems
such
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 as anxiety and depression, impressing
Correct article usage
a childs
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childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
 fate. Not only is shifted them to timorous and lack of self-confidence but
also
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 is
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
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 to criminality. As an example,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most offenders who are committed crimes like murder, rape and drug abuse during childhood their
parents
Use synonyms
 excessively exploited corporal punishment which is
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
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 to a sense of disparagement
on
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of
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 them. committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
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 for theme change to entertainment as an avenging act from all people who have neglected them.
Thus
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, treating actions should be accompanied by strategic plans which
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
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from
Change preposition
apply
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disadvantage
Replace the word
disadvantageous
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 outcomes. In conclusion, updating to the
last
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methods
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 that are associated with psychologist studies, not only
fostering
Wrong verb form
fosters
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 awareness about new
methods
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 of education but
also
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reducing
Wrong verb form
reduces
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negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 consequences of unfit punishments.

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to another.
task response
You discuss both sides of the issue, which is good for showing depth.
task response
You raise important points about mental health and self-confidence in children.
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