IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by the international fast food. This is having negative effect on our families and societies. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

Local
food
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 has been exchanged for foreign
food
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 in many countries
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due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several reasons, which have a huge impact on our society,
such
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 as
health
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 issues, weakened family bonds, and the local economy. I completely agree with
this
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 topic
due to
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 a plethora of reasons that are explained in
further
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 paragraphs with suitable examples.
To begin
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 with, the first and foremost reason is a weakened family bond. To clarify, in today's busy life, everyone has limited time to spend with family, so ready-to-eat meals are the best option for all, these can be consumed in a few minutes without any preparation or setting arrangements which will result in separation and isolation with family;
conversely
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, if people eat a traditional meal,
then
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 they can sit with a family member and share some good time with them.
As a result
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, new changes in eating items can lead to new problems.
For example
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, the headlines of Ajit Newspaper of 20 September 2024 declared that more than 50% of the distance between the parents and kids inclines
due to
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 the reduction of time, which in the past was spent with all at the dining table during dinner with joy and sharing daily experiences. Moving
further
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, another major side-effect is
health
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 issues; To elaborate, the increased consumption of processed bread and junk
food
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 can harm public
health
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due to
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 the availability of high calories.
Consequently
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, individuals are facing heart disease, obesity, and other
health
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 problems.
For instance
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, compared to our ancestors, a yearly report published by a
health
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 organization clearly states that 70% of
health
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 issues today are caused by unhealthy diets and poor hygiene habits.
To conclude
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, the growing preferences for multinational dishes have undesirable outcomes, and these are not only dangerous for relationships with others but
also
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 for
health
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that ethnic
food
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 should be prioritized because it will help to make family bonds stronger and
health
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 better.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stay focused on it.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to help the essay flow better between sentences and points.
task achievement
Provide a few more specific examples to support your main points.
task achievement
Make sure to explain how your examples relate back to the main topic clearly.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes your views well.
task achievement
Your points about health issues and family bonds are relevant and important.
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