IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All large companies should provide sports and community facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

I
strongl
Correct your spelling
strongly
 agree, that large
companies
Use synonyms
 should not have the task
to build
Change preposition
of building
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 facilities for the municipality because their hard-earned revenue is better used for research.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they have no obligation to provide things, as they already help the local community by offering many jobs nearby.
Money
Use synonyms
 earned by enterprises is theirs to spend. They should not be forced to use it for anything else than their own purposes. Of course,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 and social facilities are necessary for
communities
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 to thrive but when the
money
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 is used for development, major amounts of people benefit from that.
For example
Linking Words
, when
companies
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 use the
money
Use synonyms
 to research
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
environmental issues and develop a revolutionary air filter, the
money
Use synonyms
 will have made a bigger impact on
communities
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 as just a running track.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
companies
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 are not obliged to give anything back to the community, especially things, that can be easily provided by the government. Big firms already help
communities
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 by offering a large sum of jobs in different fields to the people close by and boosting the economy by cooperating with small local businesses.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is the responsibility of municipalities to offer adequate facilities to their inhabitants for leisure activities. Since a basketball court is as important as a post office for daily life,
such
Linking Words
 things should be funded by the public sector. In conclusion,
companies
Use synonyms
 should not be forced or obliged to
faciliate
Correct your spelling
facilitate
 local
communities
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 with sports and social instalments as they can use their
money
Use synonyms
 for
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 a lot more people than just the local inhabitants and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 more impact as well.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it's the government's responsibility to equip the towns with the necessities for
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life.
This
Linking Words
 could be achieved by using the tax
money
Use synonyms
, paid by the big
companies
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction. Use a strong thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words like 'first', 'next', and 'finally' to help the flow of your essay. This will make it easier to follow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You presented good ideas about why companies should not have this responsibility.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall opinion, which is important in IELTS writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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