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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph illustrates changes in the birth and death rates between 1901 and 2101.

The graph illustrates changes in the birth and death rates between 1901 and 2101.
Overall
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,
birth
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rates
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 remained higher than
death
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rates
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 for most of the period, but after 2041, the
death
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rate
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 is expected to surpass the
birth
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rate
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.
While
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 deaths declined during the first century, they are projected to increase in the future,
whereas
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 births are forecast to drop significantly. In the first century,
birth
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rates
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 were consistently much higher than
death
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rates
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. The number of births rose significantly from around 20,000 in 1901 to a peak of 60,000 in 1961.
This
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 was the highest figure for births during the entire period.
In contrast
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, the
death
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rate
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 gradually declined, reaching its lowest point in 2001 at about 10,000. After 2001,
in contrast
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 to the first century, the
birth
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rate
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 showed a substantial decrease,
while
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 the
death
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rate
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 is projected to rise sharply from 2001 to 2101. The highest
death
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rate
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 is expected in 2061, at around 50,000,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest figure was recorded in 1901, with only about 10,000 cases.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, whereas, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, rates, death, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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