IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people are eating healthy food and exercising regularly. What are the reasons for that? What can we do to make other people do the same?

There is no denying the fact that the communities are starting to have a better healthier lifestyle and avoiding junk food.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind it and how we encourage other
people
Use synonyms
 to join.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons for
people
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 to start changing their lives
Firstly
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, it helps to extend their lifetime.
In other words
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, starting to have healthier food and practising sports will benefit the human body to live for more years.
In addition
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, to avoid having heart attacks and other health problems it can be possible to archive because of changing the lifestyle.
For example
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, running is one of the essential sports that help to decrease the low rate of heart attack in the world. In trams of encourage other
people
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 to join.
First,
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most society in the world cares about money, so we can start an app that helps us. It is possible to say that, by having an app that counts each step that someone takes, and
then
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 he can earn money from the steps he takes.
Moreover
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, meeting and chatting in a popup space
also
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 can help.
For instance
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, sharing the knowledge about the benefits of healthy food and exercising will encourage others to do it In conclusion. There are many reasons for
people
Use synonyms
 to start changing their lives. It is
also
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 true that we need to make other
people
Use synonyms
 join the changing lifestyle, and it is important that will share the knowledge that we know about the topic to make others care about their bodies and their lives.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states the main points you will discuss. This will help the reader understand what to expect in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph so that it's easy to follow your ideas.
task achievement
Check grammar and spelling for words like 'archive' (should be 'achieve') and 'trams' (should be 'terms'). These small mistakes can confuse readers.
task achievement
Try to use more examples to support your ideas. More specific examples will help show the reader why your points are important.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a good way to organize your essay!
task achievement
You provide relevant reasons for why people are eating healthy, like avoiding heart problems. This shows you understand the topic well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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