IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering form health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent to you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is generally considered that people who eat too much fast
food
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 are struggling with
health
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 problems; others believe that the government should impose a high cost on
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
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. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, putting a
tax
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 on fast
food
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 could help reduce
health
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 problems because the
food
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 is unhealthy and is cooked with a lot of oil. In fact, fast
food
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 is not fresh; it is all manufactured by factories.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was an experiment on fast
food
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 in 2010, and they discovered that burgers, before cooking, had already been cooked and stored for over five days before being cooked again and delivered to customers.
This
Linking Words
 has led to high cholesterol and high blood pressure;
therefore
Linking Words
, imposing a high
tax
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 can prevent these issues.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I believe that imposing a
tax
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 on fast
food
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 could improve the general
health
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 of human beings, especially among young people, as they are the biggest consumers of
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
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. What I mean is that it could improve their
health
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 throughout their lives
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 replacing it with healthy
food
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in the Asian region, because of eating healthy
food
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 and three meals a day, people have longer lives and better
health
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 than in any other region in the world. In conclusion, as a way of improving
health
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, I strongly believe that the government should impose a
tax
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 on fast
food
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples or data from studies to support your main points. This strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'however', 'for example') to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument to keep the reader focused.
task achievement
Good introduction that presents the topic clearly and states your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food consumption
  • health complications
  • obesity
  • non-communicable diseases
  • sugar tax
  • fiscal policies
  • preventive measures
  • public health crisis
  • economic disparities
  • nutritional education
  • culinary habits
  • consumer behavior
  • subsistence level
  • progressive taxes
  • food deserts
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