IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that keeping pets is beneficial for longevity while others believe that household animals are not healthy for people to have as companions. Discuss both sides of the argument and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the past few years, there have been constant debates regarding the benefits of keeping pets.
This
Linking Words
 has become a highly controversial issue today. Many people opine that keeping animals is beneficial
while
Linking Words
 others hold opposing views.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look into both perspectives before coming to a conclusion. On one side of the argument, the number of individuals having pets
instead
Linking Words
 of children has been rising. These furry creatures are known to be better companions compared to humans because they are not judgemental and are trustworthy.
This
Linking Words
 means that family members would be comfortable and have a safe space to be in, without feeling drained and lonely, improving their mental health.
In addition
Linking Words
, there have been many cases where some of these creatures have acted as protectors.
For instance
Linking Words
, a week ago, a man in India was attacked by three men at night. Luckily, he was saved by his courageous Golden Retriever which pounced on his master's attackers and chased them out of the house.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these friendly beasts can
also
Linking Words
 be used as support for introverts, people with anxiety and depression or the disabled.
For example
Linking Words
, the blind can use guide dogs to help them get to places safely. A depressed person can have cats or dogs as a comfort character to make them feel less lonely. A teenager would be able to rely on the furry beasts for a shoulder to lean on when they feel downhearted.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if pupils spend too much time with their furry companions, they may lack social skills and it is unhealthy to lose touch with society.
Also
Linking Words
, animals cannot talk and would not be able to provide advice during tough times,
whereas
Linking Words
 actual human beings can listen and communicate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, hygiene is very essential as it requires a lot of effort to clean and feed the animals. Since dogs are very active, they run around and go outside for walks more often than cats. They are high maintenance and if they’re not properly taken care of, they may infect others. In conclusion, spending time with pets can bring comfort and warmth but time should
also
Linking Words
 be spent with real living beings.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents both sides of the argument, which is great. However, try to provide a stronger thesis statement that clearly states your position by the end of the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas in your body paragraphs are mostly clear, but some points need better support or examples. Ensure that each idea flows logically to the next.
Task Response
Your conclusion summarizes the essay well, but could be strengthened by restating the key arguments you made in the body paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You made good use of relevant examples to support your points about the benefits of pets, such as the case of the Golden Retriever. This adds depth to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing style is clear and easy to follow, making your argument accessible to readers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: