Some people think people working in creative arts should be. Financially supported by government. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some
people
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claim that
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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claim that
people
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who work in creative
arts
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should be Supported by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
,
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others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
think they should be supported by other resources. To start with, individuals think that
people
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who work in creative
arts
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should be
Supported
Fix capitalization
supported
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by
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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.
Artists
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were still important for the countries.
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Due to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
government
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hold many
weekends
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weekend
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markets to
appear
Verb problem
promote
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tourism to having fun on weekends. They have to design the layout of the market and
the
Remove the article
apply
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some features to attract more
people
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to enjoy the activity.
For instance
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, in the south of Taiwan, Kaohsiung, there was an old village
Correct pronoun usage
that hold
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hold
Wrong verb form
held
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the market every
weekends
Change to a singular noun
weekend
show examples
. At the same time ,
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government
Add an article
the government
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has to invite many
artists
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to design and paint the exterior of the apartment and
also
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rebuilt
Wrong verb form
rebuild
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the old house to transfer into a new community. In order to attract more
people
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to come to the markets
artists
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and architects were all very important to it. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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result ,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
has to support the creative
arts
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because it
was
Wrong verb form
is
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one of the crucial
part
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parts
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to do
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of doing
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the job like
rebuild
Wrong verb form
rebuilding
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the new area.
On the other hand
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, some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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artists
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should find financial support from other resources. In case of some
people
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claimed that creative
arts
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were not as important as the economy
therefore
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, the
arts
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companies have to find
supported
Replace the word
support
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
other resources. Even though,
artists
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already
Add a missing verb
are already
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supported by the
government
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they may need more,
due to
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the limitation of the
fund raising
Correct your spelling
fundraising
show examples
the
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arts
Change the noun form
art
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studio can find
others
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to support
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
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need
as well as
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they can finish it completely
within
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with
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more
supported
Replace the word
support
show examples
.
For example
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,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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independent
artists
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can collaborate with now-governmental and
non profit
Add a hyphen
non-profit
show examples
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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to come up with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fund raising
Correct your spelling
fundraising
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and other creative events that would help the goals of the organization
while
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also
Linking Words
providing
artists
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have more income.
Therefore
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, the artist can obtain the
fund raising
Correct your spelling
fundraising
show examples
by the
government
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and
others
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to accomplish the work. In conclusion, I strongly believe creative
stadium
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stadiums
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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been supported by
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
and
others
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to confirm their creativity and the results
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
they expect.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and summarizes the main points. This helps readers understand your position right away.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help connect your ideas better. This improves the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to help express your ideas more clearly. This makes your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You provided examples to support your points, which is good for helping readers understand why you hold your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is important for effective communication.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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