Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors such as money and personal appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, the majority of the population wants instant ways to get something. Not many of them believe in the process and persistent efforts, especially in achieving career success. It is true that wealth and attractive looks can support someone to achieve their goals. But these are not the main values. Hard work and self-belief are the keys. Money and a nice appearance are undeniable supporting factors to reach certain career goals,
such
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as actors, models, musicians, or other careers that are seen in front of the camera. These careers need beautiful or handsome people, because of public preference and judgment. A lot of money truly can help maintain
this
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beauty through treatments or some surgical procedures. Becoming rich
also
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supports you in joining various events and connecting with different successful societal circles.
However
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, those are not valuable without persistent efforts. Even movie actors, catwalk models, or musical artists must show their skills which can be achieved with a lot of effort and training. People who cannot show their real performance in a job will probably be replaced easily. It is true that you can use your money or appearance to get a certain position. But on the implementation, if you are unable to show the real expertise
that is
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needed by the workplace, you will not stay for a long time. In conclusion, I can say that both hard work and
also
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determination are highly needed to achieve career goals. If you can perform to the maximum potential, there will be a higher possibility of generating income from it. Your workplace and the public will see you as someone who is capable of doing the assignment. They will trust you and
also
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want to learn from you
,
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apply
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so that you can be recognized among wider social circles as a successful person.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples of how hard work has led to success in various fields.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that you connect your sentences smoothly.
general advice
Avoid using complex words; keep your vocabulary simple and clear.
positive
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion at the end.
positive
You effectively compare the importance of hard work and personal factors in different career paths.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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