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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some say the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about the primary purpose of
education
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. Some
people
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 argue that its main role is to prepare
individuals
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 to be useful members of
society
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,
while
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 others contend that its goal should be to help
individuals
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 achieve their personal ambitions.
While
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 both perspectives have merit, I personally believe that focusing on personal ambitions is more beneficial for both
individuals
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 and
society
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. On the one hand, an
education
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 that aims to make
individuals
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 useful to
society
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 can foster a strong sense of social belonging. When
people
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 receive training in fields that serve the community, they can apply their knowledge and skills directly to societal needs.
For example
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, a medical student who becomes a doctor can use their expertise to combat major diseases, which is a clear contribution to
society
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. By solving these public problems, they are likely to feel valued and connected to their community.
This
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 process not only benefits the individual's well-being but
also
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 promotes social development.
On the other hand
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, an
education
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 focused on personal achievement is crucial for developing an individual's sense of identity. When a school or
society
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 provides
people
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 with the freedom to choose subjects they are genuinely interested in, their motivation to learn is significantly boosted.
This
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 strong motivation enables them to master a skill, which in turn helps them to excel and realize who they are.
For instance
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,
while
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 learning music or art may not have a direct practical use for
society
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, mastering one of these skills allows an individual to create works of their own.
This
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 act of creation provides them with a powerful sense of identity. In conclusion, whether
education
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 aims to serve
society
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 or
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 personal ambitions, both paths can ultimately contribute to social progress.
However
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, I hold the view that
education
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 should prioritize helping
people
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 achieve their personal goals.
This
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 approach not only allows
individuals
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 to utilize their unique strengths but
also
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 fosters a more diverse and dynamic
society
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 in the long run.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to introduce each point clearly in a new paragraph. This helps the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples for each main point to strengthen your argument and make it clearer.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument and covers both sides of the discussion well.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is strong, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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