Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Competition

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among peers in schools is a common occurrence seen in all ages,

although

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the intensity may vary. Supporters of healthy educational

competition

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such

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as myself, may argue that it encourages

students

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to push their limits and excel in learning

while

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opponents may worry about the negative psychological impact it may have on young people. Extreme

competition

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and the pressure of being compared to fellow

students

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may negatively impact the emotional well-being of school children.

This

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is because humans are unique individuals and possess various skills and talents that cannot always be compared.

For example

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, some

students

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might naturally be creative artists,

however

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, their talents may go unnoticed by many staff and teachers other than the art teacher. Their weaknesses in math,

for instance

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, may be highlighted and compared.

This

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can greatly diminish the mental health and self-confidence of the young student.

On the other hand

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, I believe that a healthy level of

competition

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is absolutely necessary for curricular success and achievement. Performing better and achieving higher grades than other classmates can motivate

students

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to work harder and focus on their studies.

For example

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, most schools reward

students

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for the highest effort

as well as

Linking Words

greatest achievement,

therefore

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facilitating

students

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to perform their best.

Additionally

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, motivating

students

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to perform their best can help to discover hidden talents and potential that might

otherwise

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be wasted. In conclusion,

although

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extreme

competition

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can have a negative impact on the psychological health of some

students

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, I am convinced that a substantial level of

competition

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has led to greater achievements and success.

Mangalakumaran.sangeethaWed Jun 11 2025

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Task Achievement

Your essay provides a good introduction and conclusion, but make sure to clearly outline both views in your introduction.

Task Achievement

Your main points are good, but adding more examples could help support your ideas and make them clearer.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to use linking words (like 'however', 'for example') more often to connect your ideas smoothly.

Coherence and Cohesion

When presenting your view, make sure to clearly state it in the introduction so it's easier to follow.

Task Achievement

Your essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic by discussing both sides of the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your ideas are logical and you present clear arguments for your opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

257 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

undue stress
academic achievement
critical thinking
interpersonal skills
unhealthy rivalries
social isolation
bullying
reduced collaboration
motivation
achieve their goals
resilience
perseverance
innovation
improvement
outperform
higher standards

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