IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The
number
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 of
people
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 living in the countryside is declining in many nations because
people
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 are moving to
cities
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.
This
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 essay will argue that
this
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 phenomenon is a negative development for
cities
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, as it increases
traffic
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congestion
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 on the roads and decreases the
number
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 of
job
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opportunities
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 available to the
people
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 who originally lived in the city. The growing
population
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 in
cities
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due to
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this
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 phenomenon may result in a significant increase in
traffic
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congestion
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.
In other words
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, roads are built to accommodate a certain
number
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 of vehicles, but the sudden and unplanned
population
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 growth caused by rural migration exceeds
this
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 limit.
As a result
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,
this
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 creates a major
traffic
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 challenge for the government.
For example
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, in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, the unplanned influx of
people
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 from rural areas seeking better education, healthcare, and
job
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opportunities
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 led to a 75% rise in
traffic
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congestion
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.
This
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 forced the government to invest in public transport, which only reduced it slightly to 60%.
In addition
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,
this
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 migration trend may lead to fewer
job
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opportunities
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 for individuals originally living in the
cities
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.
That is
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 to say, as the
population
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 increases, the
number
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 of
people
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 looking for jobs surpasses the
number
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 of available positions.
Therefore
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, many long-term city residents may remain unemployed
due to
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 increased competition from newcomers.
For instance
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, in
cities
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 like Cairo and Mumbai, the heavy migration from rural areas has created an oversaturated
job
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 market, leaving many locals without sufficient employment
opportunities
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. In conclusion, the trend of
people
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 relocating from rural areas to urban
centers
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centres
show examples
 can be considered a negative development, as it may lead to increased
traffic
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congestion
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 and a shortage of
job
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opportunities
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 compared to the growing
population
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly show your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This makes your stance clear for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words, such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to improve the flow of your ideas. This helps connect your points better.
task achievement
Try to provide one more example or more detailed explanations for your points to support your arguments more strongly.
task achievement
You have made a clear argument that is easy to understand, and your examples are relevant to the points you are making.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader follow your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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