IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is a group of
people
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 who believe that scientific
information
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 in
research
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, business and the academic world should be shared freely
due to
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 using other individuals' resources and potential.
However
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, others recommend that
due to
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 the possibility of misusing the valuable data, their accessibility should be limited. In
this
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 essay, both will be explored. One of the main reasons why important
information
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 should be shared freely is using other
people
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's capabilities. In order for scientists to
research
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, they need different materials, including well-educated manpower, a huge amount of money,
research
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 facilities and the like.
Thus
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, when they share their achievements with others from all around the world, it is highly likely that their colleagues from abroad continue their work with their own resources and
also
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 share their own results as well.
For example
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, during the Covid-19 pandemic, various
research
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 centres cooperated with each other in order to lower the
researches
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research
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 expenses
as well as
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 share their expertise to make the best vaccine as soon as possible.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 suggest that crucial
information
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 should not be shared
due to
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 the high risks of being misused.
Although
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 scientific achievements could benefit humans in many ways, there are some aspects of science which can be used to harm humanity. When there is no limitation for sharing crucial materials, it is possible that criminal organizations easily access them and
then
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 hand them over to the dangerous states.
For example
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, if sensitive nuclear technology is shared freely, it could be misused by hostile governments to make a nuclear bomb and
then
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 threaten other nations' existence. In conclusion, many
people
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 recommend that important
information
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 in various fields including science and business should be shared freely
while
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,
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apply
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 others believe
this
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information
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 should be monitored before being shared.
Although
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 the former idea could lead to achieving better results in the case of scientific discoveries, The high risk of being misused is too much, which could lead to various unpleasant consequences.

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task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating your opinion at the end. This helps show your position in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas better. Use more transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
In your conclusion, summarize the main points and restate your opinion more clearly for a stronger finish.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument well, providing some good reasons and examples.
task achievement
You have a good range of ideas, and the examples, especially about Covid-19, are relevant and informative.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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