IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The average age for individuals to give birth is increasing. Some people think that it will have negative impact on family and country. What is your opinion about this?

The average
age
Use synonyms
 at which people become
parents
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 is increasing, which has sparked discussion among some people who believe a negative outcome would occur for families and society. Raising
children
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 at an older
age
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 can be challenging
due to
Linking Words
 health issues,
reduced
Correct word choice
and reduced
show examples
 patience. Economic and financial problems have a major impact on becoming
parents
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 at an older
age
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. Many
couples
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 work for years to be financially stable to have
children
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. Many
children
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 have relatively older
parents
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 in recent years and
this
Linking Words
 trend will eventually cause more problems in the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, mothers who try to get pregnant at a relatively late
age
Use synonyms
 have the risk of significant health problems for themselves and for the child.
For instance
Linking Words
, many mothers who are relatively old reportedly have complications during pregnancy and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 birth to
children
Use synonyms
 who are disabled in Turkey.
Although
Linking Words
 older
parents
Use synonyms
 might give the impression of being wise, mature, and financially stable, it has more negative outcomes
overall
Linking Words
. Another reason for
this
Linking Words
 negative outcome is that
children
Use synonyms
 might find it difficult to communicate
due to
Linking Words
 the generation gap between their
parents
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. Many
children
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 are growing up in the digital
age
Use synonyms
 and an open-minded culture.
Therefore
Linking Words
, controlling young minds with limited knowledge of technology or trending topics would be difficult for older
parents
Use synonyms
 to understand.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
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 might struggle to match
children
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’s energy
due to
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 and patience. Elderly people do not have the patience to listen or speak like the young
couples
Use synonyms
 do. So
this
Linking Words
 can result in miscommunication and misunderstanding among families.
For example
Linking Words
, many
children
Use synonyms
 feel neglected and alone since their
parents
Use synonyms
 are too old to understand their feelings and needs. In conclusion, having
children
Use synonyms
 at an older
age
Use synonyms
 can be challenging for both
parents
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. Many
couples
Use synonyms
 should be educated about having
children
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 at a young
age
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. Governments should encourage
couples
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 to have
children
Use synonyms
 at a younger
age
Use synonyms
 by funding them with financial services to help with their needs.

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task response
The introduction should clearly present your main opinion. Make it more direct. You could say whether you fully agree or partially agree with the statement about the negative impacts.
task response
When discussing health issues, try to provide more examples or statistics to support your claim. This will make your points stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that states what the paragraph will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Consider linking your ideas within paragraphs more with conjunctions. This will help your essay flow better and make it easier to read.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument against older parenting, which is a strong point.
task response
You provide relevant examples, such as the health problems and communication issues, which help support your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average age
  • give birth
  • increasing
  • negative impact
  • advantages
  • challenges
  • effects
  • family
  • country
  • older parents
  • financial stability
  • maturity
  • life experience
  • health risks
  • parenting skills
  • intergenerational relationships
  • future generations
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