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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be outdoors after a particular time at night unless they are with an adult. What is your opinion about this

In some regions of the United States, it is not allowed for adolescents to go outside after a specific time at
night
Use synonyms
 unless they are with an adult. I totally agree with
this
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 practice because it is dangerous to be outdoors at
night
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, especially for young adults.
In addition
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,
teenagers
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 have a lack of responsibility, which might lead them to make wrong decisions.
To begin
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 with, children should remain indoors at
night
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 because it is not safe. The nighttime is considered the peak time for most crimes, meaning that many criminals appear during these hours, and
this
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 could result in a dangerous situation for
teenagers
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 because they present an easy target to be attacked.
For example
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, In London, many stab crimes happened recently and the majority of the victims were between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 13 to 19 years old.
This
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 indicates that it is safer for
teenagers
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 to stay at home when the time is late.
Moreover
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, many
teenagers
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 do irresponsible actions leading to negative consequences. Their enthusiasm and lack of experience push them to make wrong decisions. These decisions could be illegal things
such
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 as taking drugs or drinking alcohol.
For instance
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, in the United States, researchers found that
teenagers
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 tend more to drink alcohol at
night
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 because there are a small number of people around them in the street.
This
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 emphasizes the necessity of curfew practice because it forces
teenagers
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 to stay at home and avoid similar illegal actions. In conclusion, imposing a curfew on
teenagers
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 to prevent them from being outdoors at
night
Use synonyms
 is a right practice because it prevents
teenagers
Use synonyms
 from dangerous criminals, and from engaging in irresponsible actions.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more detailed examples to support your arguments. This will help strengthen the points you are making.
coherence
Use linking words such as 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to improve the flow of your essay and clearly show the connection between your ideas.
coherence
Try to avoid repetition. For example, you mentioned 'irresponsible actions' multiple times. Use synonyms or rephrase for variety.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic. This is a strong start to your essay!
task achievement
You provide relevant reasons for your opinion, which shows good understanding of the task.
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