IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that money must be spent on promoting the use of bicycles in cities while others think cities must spend on public transport discuss both views and give your opinion

Money is essential and can be spent on many useful aspects, but people have different views. Some believe that it must be allocated to develop bicycles in urban areas,
while
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 others say that public shipment is the priority. In my experience, I would say that cities must spend funds on general transportation, and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and explain my perspective. It can be seen that contributing to transport that everybody can use has a large number of benefits, even though, some individuals may not recognize them. One important factor is that having advanced public transit could mitigate congestion, which will make humans living in cities gain some comfort. When citizens become comfortable, they will never be worried about crowded buses, trains, or even streets on their way to work.
Furthermore
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, deliveries will arrive on time, and employers will never be late. Because of that, society will be promoted and everybody will obtain a better lifestyle. Despite the benefits mentioned in the first paragraph, there are strong arguments. With fixed and well-prepared bicycles, humans will prefer using them for a ride around the area. Because of that, individuals will become healthy, which will make the government allocate less money to medicines for dangerous diseases. In conclusion, the issue of whether bicycles or general shipping is the priority has strong arguments on both sides.
However
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, from my standpoint, I believe that spending money on
shipment
Fix the agreement mistake
shipments
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 that everybody is able to use is a useful idea as it reduces congestion and promotes society. If the ultimate goal for governments is to reduce the problem of crowded streets,
then
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this
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 idea could easily contribute to the target.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, briefly restate your main points to remind the reader of your opinion.
task achievement
You presented both views clearly and made your opinion known.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are organized, which makes it easier to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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