IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?

In the present age, television has been a great way for many
people
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 to become popular. Some
people
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 think that it
is
Verb problem
has
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 a positive impact on the lifestyle of their
lives
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.
While
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 others disagree with that and believe it can help to affect their
lives
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 negatively. In my opinion, I reckon that
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Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 can be a useful tool to change the
lives
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 of different
people
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 to become famous and popular. My points of view will be presented in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the
internet
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 and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 in the modern age occupy a huge space in everyone's life and many of them are used
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
Change preposition
apply
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everywhere and
in
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at
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 any time and some of them believe that they can not live without
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Moreover
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, these may
gives
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give
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 some
people
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 a chance
and
Correct word choice
apply
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to be seen
in
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on
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 the screens of many
people
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 which could help them to be noticed and figured out.
For instance
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, new artists present their
artifacts
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artefacts
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in
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on
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 the
internet
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 trying to make the art
galleries
Change the noun form
gallery
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 owner
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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see their work and help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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get
Add an article
a job
the job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 that a well paid.
On the other hand
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, another benefit of being famous
in
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on
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 the
internet
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 and TV is getting an audience which can tell them that they are being loved by a huge number of
people
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 around the world which can help them to be well known and discovered by everyone which may be anything they present or say could have the impact of many
people
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 on their
lives
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.
For instance
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, some famous
people
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 tell their fans
a
Correct article usage
apply
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about a great book that can develop their thinking. In conclusion, I believe that the
Internet
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 can help a person to be famous and
this
Linking Words
 is a positive thing in his life
such
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 as getting an audience and can help to get a job or money through different platforms and I believe that the benefits can outweigh the negative side of being famous.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your main points are clear and well-developed. Each paragraph should clearly relate to your main argument.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This can make your argument stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are unclear or have mistakes that make them hard to read.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This helps the reader understand the main point of each paragraph.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion about the topic and have a good introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You touch on both positive and negative aspects of fame, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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