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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to intoduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The number of people who struggle with obesity has increased and put the healthcare system under
pressure
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. It is commonly believed that integrating physical exercises into the school curriculum is an effective way to address
this
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 issue. I firmly agree with the view that physical activities should be a key part of the education system to promote
a
Correct article usage
apply
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healthier lifestyles from an early age and reduce the future
pressure
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 on hospitals.
To begin
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 with, schools should offer classes that encourage students to exercise regularly and educate them about the positive effects of physical and mental
health
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.
Moreover
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, if student develop
this
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 habit from a young age, that would assist them to maintain an active lifestyle even after their graduation.
As a result
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, they will enjoy better
health
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 and become more productive members of society.
For example
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, studies have shown that students who were in schools that include physical exercise classes are generally healthier and more effective in their professional lives than those who did not engage in sports during their educational journey. Another point to consider is that regular physical activity can significantly improve individuals'
health
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 by protecting them from several diseases
such
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 as obesity and high blood
pressure
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, and even mental disorders like anxiety and depression.
As a result
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, the number of patients requiring medical treatment would decrease, allowing doctors to focus on more serious cases and give them more time to develop the
health
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 sector through advanced research and innovation. In conclusion, the large number of overweight individuals has been a heavy problem in the healthcare system. I strongly believe that promoting physical education in schools is an effective way to improve children's
health
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 and reduce the
pressure
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 on hospitals in the long term.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more clearly to help readers follow your argument.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly supports your position.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or studies to strengthen your points.
positive
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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