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Writing Samples
Band 5

the chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passangers miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002

the chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passangers miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002
The picture describes the amounts of incidents and injuries per 100 million PMT by
transportation
Use synonyms
 type in 2002. The category of
transportation
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 includes the
commuter
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rail
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, the heavy
rail
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, the light
rail
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, the bus, and the
demand
Use synonyms
response
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the highest number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tragedies came from the
demand
Use synonyms
response
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the safest
transportation
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 was from the
commuter
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rail
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 in every sector. In
the incidents part
Change to a genitive case
the part of the incident
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, we can look at the graph that the lowest number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
incidents was held by the
commuter
Use synonyms
rail
Use synonyms
 at under 50,
while
Linking Words
 the most dangerous
transportation
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 was the
demand
Use synonyms
response
Use synonyms
. The second-safest vehicle was the heavy
rail
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 at around 50. Meanwhile, the light
rail
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 had the same number of tragedies as the bus at around 80. For the injuries section, we conclude that the
demand
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response
Use synonyms
 had the biggest value of the victims,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
commuter
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rail
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was still be
Change the verb form
was still
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 the safest among the
transportation
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 type,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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valued at 170 and 20 respectively. The heavy
rail
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 and the light
rail
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 shared the same amounts of victims
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40, making it the second-best
transportation
Use synonyms
 in the same section. The
last
Linking Words
 mode of vehicles was the bus, which accounted
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 under 100 million PMT.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words transportation, commuter, rail, demand, response with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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