Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Hapiness

Correct your spelling

Happiness

is a common emotion that a person can feel. Being responsible

Change preposition

for

show examples

our own happiness mainly develops an enjoyable life,

for

Linking Words

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

a person is in need

for

Change preposition

show examples

money to pay for their expenses and the only solution would be seeking

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a job that provides money so they can earn

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their

Change the word

show examples

living.

Linking Words

While

Correct word choice

show examples

on the other hand

Linking Words

, there are various reasons why people feel happiness, namely, having friends to go to a party at night or having

our

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

family that

surprises

Correct subject-verb agreement

surprise

show examples

us on our birthdays. I agree that both of these factors have a great impact

Change preposition

show examples

persons

Change noun form

person's

show examples

well-being

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

ones

Change to a genitive case

one's

show examples

emotions. Both will bring out more positive and active sides of ourselves

most

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

especially when we are in a deep breakdown. I conclude that it doesn't really matter what reasons can make us happy as long as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can influence us.

ujanoallyFri Jun 27 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion

Make your main points clearer and separate your ideas into different paragraphs.

task achievement

Use more specific examples to support your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Start with a clear introduction and end with a strong conclusion to frame your essay better.

positive

You present both views on happiness well.

positive

Your understanding of the topic is clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

146 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

self-determination
intrinsic motivation
positive mindset
environmental influences
social support
financial security
external conditions
emotional well-being
life satisfaction
personal autonomy
situational factors

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time, classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?
In this present world, the usage of technology is constantly on the rise. Even classrooms are among the many places that enjoy the usage and benefits of technology. It is disagreed that classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Analysing the incapability of disciplining classroom students with technology, as well as the limitation in the learning process of students taught with technology will prove this.
6.5
band
There has been a noticeable decline in the reading habits of people, especially among the younger generation. What are the main causes of this decline? What are the potential impacts on individuals' cognitive abilities and society's cultural development?
As society evolves in the modern era, an increasing number of individuals, especially those in the younger generation, are abandoning the habit of reading books. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons why people are reluctant to read books and explain the potential consequences of this phenomenon.
7.5
band
It is a natural process when animal species become extinct , as dinosaurs died out in the past. There is no reason for people to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or not?
Some argue that the extinction of animal species is not a man-made process, and people do not have any reason to halt this before happening. To be honest, I partially agree with that statement, and I will support my ideas.
6
band
Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater than it used to. Others say that people only continue their education because the opportunity exist for them to do so. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Higher education has expanded rapidly in recent years, and this is not likely to change in the near future. If employers continue to demand highly qualified graduates, more and more young people will choose higher education courses. Therefore, the increasing number of higher education courses is a result of higher demand from students and employers.
7
band
Nowadays more and more people are using cellphones and computers to communicate, so they are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Currently, people have different views as to whether it is necessary for many people to use cell phones and computers to communicate, therefore they are lacking in face-to-faceface contact skills. Despite the fact that the contraction of electronic devices is very important to everyday life, I believe that the connection from speaking in the real world is the most significant and stable in a long time.

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time, classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?

There has been a noticeable decline in the reading habits of people, especially among the younger generation. What are the main causes of this decline? What are the potential impacts on individuals' cognitive abilities and society's cultural development?

It is a natural process when animal species become extinct , as dinosaurs died out in the past. There is no reason for people to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or not?

Nowadays more and more people are using cellphones and computers to communicate, so they are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?