Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?
These days, the amount of
violence
in media
is growing. Some people
believe that it has damaging effects while
others deny it has any significant effect on society. I believe that in most cases media
violence
doesn’t affect people
's behaviour.
Firstly
, I think people
act on their motives, regardless of what they see on television
. That is
to say, if someone intends to do harm to somebody, that is
not because of watching television
or playing video
games
, but due to
the basic person’s character and educational background.
Moreover
, video
games
and television
may even reduce social violence
by providing a safe outlet for aggressiveness. On the other hand
, people
may use video
games
to express their combative spirit so they can be more gentle in the real world. This
may not only help those people
but also
reduce the level of social violence
in a long-term perspective.
Finally
, despite many people
claiming that media
violence
has damaging effects. I have never seen a correlation between violence
in media
and social violence
in real life. I think everyone with critical thinking will agree and act wise in using the media
for the right purpose.
Taking everything into consideration, I would say that violence
in media
has no effect on people
’s behaviour. The social violence
that happens in the real world depends on people
’s character. Media
such
as television
and video
games
are not the main factors that shape personal character, and they can be even useful in reducing the level of violence
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the prompt clearly and directly. Your response seems to strongly focus on arguing why media violence does not significantly impact society. To enhance this, consider exploring the opposing viewpoint in greater depth to provide a more balanced analysis.
task achievement
For a stronger argument, include more varied and detailed examples. The essay mentions general outcomes but lacks specific instances or studies that substantiate your claims, which would make your argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow more naturally.
coherence and cohesion
Consider developing your introduction and conclusion further. The introduction could more explicitly outline the points you intend to discuss, while the conclusion could re-emphasize the significance of your argument in a broader context.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!