IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In this day and age , despite directly asking for a doctor’s advice , the Internet is widely used to seek medical advice. This is attributed to its convenience and effectiveness whether living in remote areas or major urban cities . Overall , I believe this is totally a negative development

One
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 of the major factors that drive citizens to search for internet guidance is financial costs. Owing to the outstanding development of the medical field , many enormous enterprises heavily invest in healthcare-related equipment .
This
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 results in the rise of doctor’s consultation fees in order to maintain the healthcare system.
Additionally
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 , each individual might have to pay 1 million dong to receive a medical checkup , which is equivalent to
one
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-fifth of the average salaries per person in Vietnam, making it inaccessible to low-status
people
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 especially those in underprivileged communities .
Instead
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 of paying a large amount of money , there are various reliable websites relating to health maintenance that
people
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 might easily look up to .
For instance
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 , it comes as no surprise that with a simple click to chat GPT , users can describe their symptoms to
this
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 chatbot within a second . It might give individuals an accurate treatment plan which is free and solves
people
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’s difficulties in the short run Despite the various benefits of searching for online cures , its drawbacks are undeniable. The widespread misinformation on unreliable websites can falsify
people
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’s understanding of curing methods . In some social platforms
such
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 as Facebook , in order to exploit individuals’ faith and trust , many unverified doctors declare themselves to be a real
one
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 by creating a fake degree.
This
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 can effortlessly make
people
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, especially the elderly believe in cheap drugs .
Following
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this
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 , some
people
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 believe that by drinking a certain type of powdered drink,
one
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 can lose weight within
one
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 month. Unfortunately , what
people
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 fail to realize is all the substandard ingredients contained in that milk .
This
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 negatively causes many consequences
such
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 as malnourishment , and digestive problems .

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to your main argument. Use topic sentences to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Include a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples or explain your existing examples in more detail to support your ideas.
task achievement
You have identified an important issue regarding internet medical advice and financial access to healthcare.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with separate paragraphs for different ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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