IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercises. What do you think about the cause of this problem? How can you address this?

It
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 widely believed that individuals doing less physical
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 nowadays,
doctors
Correct word choice
and doctors
show examples
 from all over the world warning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
due to
Linking Words
 consequences
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
blood
Correct word choice
low blood
show examples
 pressure,obesity and other health problems.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will examine the main cause of
this
Linking Words
 trend and suggest possible ways of solutions One of the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem is
technologies
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 development all over the world, and electronic devices
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
Correct article usage
a cruical
show examples
cruical
Correct your spelling
crucial
 part of it. Many jobs use electronic devices and
this
Linking Words
 leads to a sedentary lifestyle that the main reason of doctors' excitement

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You need to fully answer both parts of the question: discuss the cause of the problem and suggest solutions. Make sure to develop your ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve your essay's flow by using more connecting words between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader understand your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Check your sentence structure. Some sentences are incomplete or have unclear ideas. Make your point clearer by providing examples or explanations when necessary.
task achievement
You identified a relevant cause of the problem which is technology's development, showing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: