The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?
The increasing popularity of social media has had impacts on relationships between
people
and on the overall
society. This
author contends that the benefits of quick mailing and a wide range of friends outweigh the risk of internet fraud.
The most beneficial factor of using social network
for communication is that it can send letters in only a few seconds. Fix the agreement mistake
networks
In other words
, smartphones and computers allow users to have a conversation with another person despite their distance. As a result
, people
can exchange words with anyone providing that they are using the same social media. Take Twitter as a prime example, its function allows millions of messages to be sent every day without any major error or delay.
The benefit of getting on with other residents anywhere in the world must also
be considered. It is self-explanatory that many online platforms let their users to
make friends whether they are natives or foreigners. Change the verb form
apply
Consequently
, relationships between people
of different races and countries are formed. One instance is that Facebook can gather number
of individuals into one group so they can share similar interests.
Change the article
a number
the number
However
, some people
are reluctant to use social media. They argue that there are many online frauds and criminals. This
may be true, but by avoiding posting personal information publicly, scammers will have no data to attack or blackmail anyone. Therefore
, potential loss can be easily prevented.
Taking everything into account, the possible flaw of being deceived online is outweighed by the boons of sending emails quickly and a great list of friends. Thus
, this
essay has demonstrated that using internet platform
for communication is better.Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents some level of organization and progression of ideas. However, there is room for improvement in your logical structuring and cohesion. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to demonstrate clear thinking and enhance the flow of your essay. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effective with a stronger thesis statement and a clearer summarization of your main points. Make sure to provide a concise and relevant recap in your conclusion to leave a more lasting impression.
task achievement
Your response to the task is somewhat adequate, however, there is a need to extend and support your ideas further. To achieve a higher score, ensure that your essay thoroughly addresses all parts of the task. This includes presenting a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages, and showing a clear opinion throughout the essay. It is important to employ a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to articulate your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Including relevant and specific examples will also strengthen your argument and support your main points more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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