IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some
people
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 believe that the best part of being rich is that you can help other
people
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. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea to some extent, but I
also
Linking Words
 think there are other important reasons why
people
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 want to be rich.
Firstly
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, it is true that rich
people
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 have more
money
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 to help others. They can give
money
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 to poor
people
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, help children to go to school, or give
money
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 to hospitals.
This
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 is a very good thing because many
people
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 in the world do not have enough food, clean water, or a place to live.
For example
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, some rich
people
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 like Bill Gates give millions of dollars to help
people
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 in Africa with health care and education.
This
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 shows how
money
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 can be used in a good way.
However
Linking Words
, not all rich
people
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 use their
money
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 to help others. Some
people
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 become rich because they work very hard and want a better life for their own family. They may want to buy a nice house, travel around the world, or give their children a good education. These are
also
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 good reasons to become rich. It is not wrong to want a comfortable life. In my opinion, helping others is a very good use of
money
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, but I don’t think it is the only or most important reason to be rich.
People
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 have different goals in life, and
money
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 gives them the freedom to follow their dreams. In conclusion, being rich gives a chance to help
people
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, which is very important, but it
also
Linking Words
 gives other benefits. Everyone should choose how they want to use their
money
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.

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task achievement
Try to clearly define your main points and make sure each one is developed fully with examples. This will help improve the clarity of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, like the case of Bill Gates, which support your main ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gave a clear overview of your opinion on the topic, and your conclusion nicely wrapped up your thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
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