IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Television serves many useful functions. It helps people to relax. Besides, it can also be seen as a companion for lonely people. To what extent do you agree with this? Explain why with your own experience.

There is no denying the fact that television has many benefits for
people
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, especially psychological ones.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that using television is just a waste of
time
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes
this
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 idea. In my opinion, I consider that smart devices like television can have many positive effects on daily life.
To begin
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 with, in the past, when televisions spread around the world, they allowed nations to stay updated with the news, which made citizens feel more comfortable and gave them the right to be informed.
In other words
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, it helps
people
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 feel relaxed, whether by showing news or other programs.
That is
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 why
people
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 like to use it during their free
time
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.
In addition
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, some
people
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 have a lot of free
time
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,
such
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 as elderly
people
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. They often feel bored and lonely, especially since their families are busy and rarely spend
time
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 with them, which makes them prefer to spend their
time
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 watching
TV
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 as a way to get rid of negative feelings. Another point to consider is that
people
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 can use
TV
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 to enjoy their
time
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 by watching soccer, cartoons, movies, documentaries, or even listening to music. It is
also
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 possible to say that watching
TV
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 can increase
people
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’s cultural awareness. There are many shows on
TV
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 that allow you to have both a fun and beneficial
time
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.
For instance
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, seventeen
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of American citizens refer to the HHTE program, an information-based competition show, as something that improved their knowledge. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I believe that the presence of
TV
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 in our daily routines makes us feel better, and it is a good addition to our lives

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task achievement
Try to include a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that clearly states your opinion about television.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects to your overall argument. Sometimes the ideas feel a bit mixed.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better. Words like 'furthermore' or 'however' can help your essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
You offer clear arguments on how television can help people feel relaxed and less lonely.
task achievement
Your examples of how different people use television are relevant and support your points well.
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