IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The best way to prevent youth crime is to educate parents about good parenting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate over whether educating
parents
Use synonyms
 about parenting is effective for
youth
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that the outcome of parenting
education
Use synonyms
 is unsatisfactory, I strongly believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should be educated to have a better result in
youth
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
. Proponents of parenting
education
Use synonyms
’s ineffectiveness claim that the
education
Use synonyms
 lacks content,
such
Linking Words
 as finance and investment. They argue that parent training should be based on economics, as poverty or the
parents
Use synonyms
’ unemployment has a significant proportion of the
youth
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
 factor. Adding honest finance and investment methods in
education
Use synonyms
 would help
parents
Use synonyms
 persuade their children to stop economic
offenses
Use the right word
offences
show examples
 and save money through proper investments.
For instance
Linking Words
, in countries where parenting
education
Use synonyms
emphasizes
Use the right word
emphasises
show examples
 budget management,
such
Linking Words
 as the USA, the ratio of
youth
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
 rates by poverty remains relatively low.
However
Linking Words
, good parenting is the most important factor to educate
parents
Use synonyms
 about.
Although
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
’ job loss is one of the largest factors of children’s
offenses
Use the right word
offences
show examples
, it was found that more than half of the kids’ commitment to
crime
Use synonyms
 is from economically stable households. The reason is the stress obtained from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 these days do not have much time to spend with their kids because of their work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they struggle to communicate with their child. It was found that the family
parents
Use synonyms
 who received
education
Use synonyms
 on parenting had no cases of
offense
Use the right word
offence
show examples
 by their kids. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 financial
education
Use synonyms
 may have its merits, I firmly believe that teaching
parents
Use synonyms
 effective parenting skills is the most direct and impactful way to prevent
youth
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
. Focusing on emotional support, discipline, and communication can significantly reduce the likelihood of juvenile delinquency.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
task achievement
Use more clear examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas between paragraphs better for a smoother flow.
structure
Good use of introduction and conclusion to frame your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents clear opinions on both sides of the debate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: