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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The issue of whether
parents
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 or schools bear the primary responsibility for teaching
children
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 how to be responsible members of society has garnered significant debate.
While
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 some advocate for the
role
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 of educational institutions in
this
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 formative process, others assert that parental guidance is paramount.
Although
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 the school environment can certainly provide valuable educational experiences, I contend that familial upbringing plays a more critical
role
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 in cultivating conscientious individuals within the community. Educational institutions are indeed valuable settings for nurturing civic responsibility among
children
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. With a structured curriculum, schools foster cognitive skills that enhance students' abilities to contribute positively to society.
For instance
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, schools like Trung Vuong and Vinschool have produced esteemed alumni
such
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 as Professor Ngo Bao and Professor Nguyen Hung, who have made significant contributions to the nation's advancement.
However
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, it should be noted that these successful individuals represent only a minuscule subset of the total student population.
Consequently
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, relying solely on formal education is insufficient for instilling the values necessary for comprehensive social integration.
In contrast
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, I argue that
parents
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 play a more influential
role
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 in teaching their
children
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 how to become exemplary citizens.
For example
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, in Vietnam, the average class size of around 20 students can hinder teachers' ability to address the individual needs of each student effectively.
In contrast
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,
personalized
Use the right word
personalised
show examples
 instruction at home allows for more tailored educational experiences, facilitating quicker progression in character development.
Moreover
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, the inherent emotional connection between
parents
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 and
children
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 enables a deeper influence on their moral and ethical frameworks.
For instance
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, by sharing bedtime stories
such
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 as Robin Hood and Cinderella,
parents
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 can cultivate virtues
such
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 as empathy and integrity from an early age. It is likely that
children
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 exposed to
such
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 narratives will embody these values as they mature, ultimately becoming responsible members of society. In conclusion,
while
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 it is evident that educational institutions can contribute to the cultivation of civic values, I firmly believe that parental guidance plays a more significant
role
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 in shaping the character and morals of
children
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. The home environment fosters essential virtues that are vital for developing good citizens who will positively engage with their communities.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow between sentences. Use more linking words to connect the ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea stated in the topic sentence. This helps the reader understand the main point quickly.
task achievement
Add a few more specific examples to support your arguments in each paragraph. This will make your points stronger.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main arguments well.
relevance
You provide good examples that illustrate your point about the role of parents in society.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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