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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing .what do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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Recently people have been doing less physical activity than they used to in the past, and
this
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 leads to a lot of issues in terms of people's quality of life. In
this
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 essay, the reasons I believe are the cause will be discussed,
for example
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, the
changes
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 in diet and in lifestyle of our century.
Overall
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,
changes
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 in what and how we eat are certainly a problem, it is commonly known that processed
food
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 is very harmful to our bodies.
According to
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 scientists, junk
food
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 is the main reason for almost every chronic disease,
this
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 is because elements in the products like omega six and saturated fats cause what is known as ''meta inflammation'', which means that the organism is exposed to a very tiny amount of inflammation, that in the long run damages all the organs.
Moreover
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, the
food
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 we eat is full of sugar, which
also
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 triggers the same inflammatory pathways causing,
for example
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, diabetes which is a mortal chronic condition.
Furthermore
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,
also
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 our fitness levels are drastically decreasing
consequently
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 to the
changes
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 in our habits.
For instance
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, in the
last
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 century working in an office has become the most common job globally, replacing more active ones like working as a farmer or in the building industries.
In addition
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, the shifts are now very long, meaning less time is spent to provide and cook fresh
food
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, which is related to the previous point. In conclusion, I believe that
this
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 situation is getting worse every day, I think that governments should take action to solve these issues. Reducing shifts' hours could help people focus more on their health rather than on their jobs,
as a result
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, they could have more free time to spend exercising or cooking.
Also
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,
changes
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 in how youngsters are educated to eat, since eating fast
food
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 is socially accepted, younger generations eat it very often, so they should be taught how to make more responsible choices in terms of what they eat.

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a brief summary or final thought to strengthen the conclusion.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples or data to support your points, such as statistics on physical activity decline or government interventions.
coherence cohesion
Clear and well-organized structure with a consistent introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Addresses the task comprehensively, discussing both causes and solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides logical connections between points, facilitating easy understanding.
task achievement
Uses relevant examples related to diet changes and lifestyle to illustrate main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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