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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about the best method to enhance public
health
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, with a growing view that building more fitness centres improves the general
health
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.
However
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, others argue that there are other essential requirements. From my perspective, I lean towards the latter view that other measurements are more important than just establishing sport facilities. First of all, raising
health
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 awareness in the community is a key factor in promoting healthier lifestyles and preventing chronic illnesses. In fact, many
health
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 problems stem from a lack of knowledge about nutrition, physical activity, and mental well-being. A recent study published by Oxford University concluded that 90% of individuals who are unaware of the long-term risks of consuming excessive sugar or leading a sedentary life are less likely to make informed choices.
Moreover
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, when individuals are well-informed and proactive, they are more likely to adopt positive changes, leading to improved physical and mental
health
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 across society.
In addition
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,
while
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 individual choices are essential, the number of gyms plays a crucial role in shaping
health
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 outcomes.
In other words
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, offering sports centres in almost every district encourages citizens to exercise regularly.
For instance
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, the population
health
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 in France improved significantly
due to
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 the wide availability of fitness clubs.
Additionally
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, funding for
such
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 clubs can empower citizens to lead healthier lives. Without supportive infrastructure, many individuals, especially those from lower socioeconomic backgrounds, may struggle to
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
health
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 despite good intentions. In conclusion, I ultimately side with the opinion that other measures are required to improve public
health
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 rather than focusing on increasing the number of sports centres. Other approaches are likely to produce the most sustainable results.

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your points, especially in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas more clearly so that the flow of your argument is smoother.
positive
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and sets the stage for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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