IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Adults do very less exercise these days. Some people think that showing sporting events on the television such as Olympics and international tournaments can be the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Others believe there are other effective ways to do so. Discuss both views and state your opinion. Support with relevant examples.

There is an ongoing debate about the best way to encourage exercise, with a growing view that watching sporting activities is the most effective way.
However
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, others argue that there are other motivating means. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both perspectives
while
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 leaning towards the latter view that exercising could be done in different ways. First of all, it is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that showing sporting events
such
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 as the Olympics and international tournaments is one of the most efficient methods to stay physically active.
In other words
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, television videos can stimulate the brain neurons;
hence
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, persuade
people
Use synonyms
 to lead a healthy lifestyle.
Although
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 sitting in front of a screen for a long period affects the human body negatively, it has a great potential to encourage individuals to become athletes.
For instance
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, observing a football player leads to learn new skills that can enhance the training rate.
In addition
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, raising health awareness in the community is a key factor in maintaining regular exercise. In fact, many health problems stem from a lack of knowledge about the importance of physical activity. A recent study published by Oxford University concluded that 90% of individuals who are unaware of the long-term risks of living a sedentary lifestyle are more likely to have mental health issues
such
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 as anxiety and stress.
Moreover
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, when
people
Use synonyms
 are well-informed, they are more likely to make informed choices. In conclusion, even though TV sports shows can contribute to improving training regularity, I ultimately believe
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 effectiveness of other methods ,
such
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 as increasing
people
Use synonyms
's consciousness.

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coherence
Make sure to have clear connections between your ideas. Use linking words to help the reader follow your thoughts better.
structure
You provided a clear viewpoint in your introduction and conclusion, which is important for a strong essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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