IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Prison is the best punishment for criminals. Discuss. Give reasons for youe answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowlidge or experience

Nowadays, changes in law enforcement have led to the introduction of new rules, laws, and forms of
punishment
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.
While
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 some people believe that
prison
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 is the most effective
punishment
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 for
criminals
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, others argue that alternative methods should be considered. In my opinion,
prison
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 should remain a form of
punishment
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, but its use should depend on the severity and nature of the crime committed. Alternative punishments can offer a broader and more modern approach by using new technologies to help reform
criminals
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 without placing them under the extreme pressure of
prison
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 life.
For example
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, for less serious crimes
such
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 as fraud or shoplifting, governments could introduce rehabilitation programs involving computer games focused on social integration and responsible decision-making. These programs could reward positive behaviour with points that can be exchanged for real-world things.
Moreover
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,
such
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 alternatives
also
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 may support the economy by allowing non-violent
criminals
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 to work in factories or perform community service.
On the other hand
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,
prison
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 should remain a necessary option, especially for violent or dangerous
criminals
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 who have broken serious laws and pose threats to society. The main goal of
prison
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 is to correct behaviour, protect society, and reinforce respect for the law.
For instance
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, in El Salvador, a country that suffered from extreme levels of crime, traditional methods failed to restore order.
Criminals
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 were involved in riots, murders, blackmail, and attacks on both citizens and politicians. In response, the government, with the help of the United States, built a
highly-security
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highly secure
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prison
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 and launched a large-scale operation involving police and
army
Correct article usage
the army
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 to arrest over 20,000
criminals
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.
As a result
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, the streets became much safer for ordinary citizens. In conclusion,
while
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 alternative methods of
punishment
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 can be useful for minor
offenses
Use the right word
offences
show examples
 and may support rehabilitation and the economy,
prison
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 is still necessary for dealing with serious crimes. A balanced approach is needed, where the
punishment
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 fits the crime and ensures both justice and public safety

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Task Response
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, which helps the reader understand your position. However, you could add a brief summary of the points you will discuss in the body.
Task Response
In your conclusion, consider summarizing the main points discussed and reiterating your opinion for stronger impact. This can help reinforce your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to another, using linking words (e.g., 'firstly', 'on the other hand', 'in addition') to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Response
You have supported your argument well with examples; consider integrating more personal examples or opinions to strengthen connections with the reader.
Task Achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing the benefits of both prison and alternative punishments.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples, like the situation in El Salvador, makes your argument stronger and more relatable.
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