IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Crime rates have been increasing in many cities around the world. What are the key problems contributing to this rise in crime, and what solutions can be implemented to tackle these issues?

The rise of social violations has become a major concern in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent times
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 could be
due to
Linking Words
Invention
Correct article usage
the Invention
show examples
 of technology tools and Unemployment. To curb these unlawful acts,
Introduction
Correct article usage
the Introduction
show examples
 of measures
such
Linking Words
 as Long periods of
jail
Use synonyms
 term and job creation could be of help. These would be explained in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the conception of technology gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as video games, televisions and DVD Players has directly
impacted
Verb problem
contributed
show examples
 to the rise of
violations
Check wording
violence
show examples
 by showing scenes of
crime
Use synonyms
 in movies, methods of use of harmful tools like guns and
also
Linking Words
 cyber hacking. Individuals learn these illegal acts and exhibit
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 regularly.
For instance
Linking Words
, Studies in China
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 showed that 80% of unlawful use of guns has been linked to folks
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 use video games.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, lack of jobs exposes the public to utilise their time on illegal activities like gambling and stealing so as to make money.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
show examples
 example, Research carried out in Thailand shows that robbery incident in the
last
Linking Words
 four months is linked to people with no source of income. To tackle these ongoing
menance
Correct your spelling
menace
, proposing of
15years
Correct your spelling
15-year
jail
Use synonyms
 term for any person found
giulty
Correct your spelling
guilty
 of
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
 by the government could be a major help. These would bring down
incidence
Correct article usage
the incidence
show examples
 of felonies because people will be scared to spend a long portion of their life behind bars.
For instance
Linking Words
, the introduction of 20
years
Correct your spelling
20-year
jail
Use synonyms
 term for law offenders in Ireland has reduced the
occurence
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 of
crime
Use synonyms
 by 60%. These
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 that punishment restores order in a society.
Also
Linking Words
, job creation for the masses helps to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 individuals would make money to take care of needs,
thus
Linking Words
 reducing
indulgement
Correct your spelling
indulgence
 in theft and gambling to make ends meet. In conclusion, the high rate of
crime
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 unemployment and widespread
of
Check wording
use of
show examples
 technology tools could be curbed by
introduction
Correct article usage
the introduction
show examples
 of policies
such
Linking Words
 as
jail
Use synonyms
 terms and employment creation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide clear examples and explanations to strengthen your points. Make sure to fully explore your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using more linking words to connect ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check for spelling and grammatical mistakes, such as 'giulty' instead of 'guilty'.
task achievement
You identified key problems and possible solutions to crime, which is relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You structured your essay with clear paragraphs for each point, which is good for readability.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: