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Writing Samples
Band 7

Why do you think a lot of teenagers have a strong desire to be skinny? What can be done to prevent this eating disorder?

Nowadays, many
teenagers
Use synonyms
 strongly desire to be slim in order to appear attractive. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be solved with proper education, nutrition, and support from parents. One reason why many young people want to lose
weight
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 is the influence of social media and unrealistic beauty standards.
Teenagers
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 often compare themselves to celebrities and influencers who promote a very slim
body
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 type.
As a result
Linking Words
, many young people may feel pressure to lose
weight
Use synonyms
, even if they are already healthy. There are many steps that can be taken to address the problem. One effective measure is to help them get more calories by making changes to what they eat and drink , and encouraging healthy habits.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, parents need to be strict with their children
get
Verb problem
to get
show examples
 the right amount of nutrients and minerals to support healthy growth.
For example
Linking Words
, nutrient products like egg, meat, chicken , banana, and other healthy foods and fruits.
Therefore
Linking Words
, food that contains nutrients, calories, and minerals can help to gain enough
weight
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. Another important solution is to avoid a crash diet.
In other words
Linking Words
, adolescence should focus on promoting a healthy relationship with
body
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 image.
For example
Linking Words
, they can do
this
Linking Words
 through education, balanced meals, regular exercise and open communication.
However
Linking Words
, it is all right to go on a diet for a short time if
teenagers
Use synonyms
 want to lose
weight
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, but they should avoid a crash diet. It is far better to promote
body
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 positivity all the time by taking some exercise.
Thus
Linking Words
, encouraging children to appreciate their bodies for their function and health rather than focusing solely on appearance. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many
teenagers
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 want to be skinny
due to
Linking Words
 social pressure,
this
Linking Words
 can be mitigated through investment in healthy eating and
body
Use synonyms
 positivity.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to organize your ideas in a clear order. Each paragraph should focus on one main point.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points. This will help readers understand your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your sentences are clear and easy to understand. Some sentences could be simpler.
task achievement
You clearly stated the problem and proposed solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion nicely wraps up your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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